Words

I've been on both the giving and the receiving end of hurtful words.  I've been the one to instigate and I've been the one to retaliate.    In the past I found ways to justify my words because they originated from a place where feelings emanate from. Feelings that are true and real.  I've felt it necessary to defend myself when no one else did.  I've been driven to fight back when others words weren't true or just.

I think a lifetime of not being heard only made me louder and more volatile; after being tossed around with life's hurts and then silenced by others shame I was as explosive as a shaken soda. It took a small twist of the cap and my words bubbled over. And with my words came a sticky mess.  A mess I'm still cleaning up after, because words can't be taken back. Ever.

Hurtful words thrown like punches in the heat of battle.  I feel like my life's been a raging battle, with round after round of boxing with words. I'd duck and sway to miss words being thrown at me, and come up swinging with defensive blows back at my opponent. 

This battle with words has no winner. It just leaves the participants broken and bruised. 

I'm weary from this battle.  I'm broken and bruised and in need of reprieve.  

I'm taking the gloves off, giving the fight to God and resting in Him and His promises. 

Psalm 35:1-4
Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me.  Take up shield and buckler; arise and come to my aid.  Brandish spear and javelin against those who pursue me.  Say to my soul, I am your salvation." 


The fight to be heard is no longer of such necessity that I am screaming from a place of deep hurts, allowing anger and abrasive words to escape my lips.  I broke my silence and I've told my story. I've been nothing but brutally honest for I am an open book with nothing to hide. I've received validation, affirmation, love and acceptance from those who can give it.  Those who can't are not a reflection of me and will no longer define me or the words that come out of my mouth. 

When I speak I want to always speak with the love and truth of God.