His Glory Revealed

The first day of spring is just a few days away, yet today I awoke to more freshly fallen snow. All around me now lies a layer of dirty white slush; covering the ground and hiding any hints of the coming spring.   I feel hopeless every winter as the cold dreary days drag on while holding the warmth of a new season at arm's length. When it fails to look  and feel like spring, it's easy for me to fear that it will never come and we will be doomed to live in a frozen tundra forever. (like in Narnia when the land was iced over from the witch's winter spell!)  

Today something happened that knocked the wind right out of me.   I experienced more than the usual emotional reaction, I literally felt a physical reaction from the sting of someone's words.  It reminded me of the way it feels when you get knocked in the stomach and lose your breath.   Without being able to intake air, it's impossible to breathe or speak. I felt all hope drain out of me leaving me breathless and without my voice. My voice, which I've recently found as I've worked through the trauma of my abusive childhood.  My voice, which has given me a connection to people who share with me their loving words of compassion, validation and affirmation.  I found my voice and I can't silence it now; not if I'm being true to myself. I will not go backwards and become silent again.  

I believe that I've been given a gift with my ability to express myself through my writing. I believe I am being called to use my gift as a means to serve others.  If I turn my back on it now I'd be doubting the Lord and forfeiting the plans He has for me. 

I'm going to quote words that I found very profound from my friend's blog: Relics of Grace


"When we fail to trust in the gifts that God has placed in us, we fail to move into the positions He has planned for us."  Lanette Haskins

http://lanettehaskins.blogspot.com/

Her words spoke to me when I first read them and today when I found myself filled with self doubt from an attempt to silence me, I was reminded of them again. 

1Peter 4:10-11
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks  he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.  If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.  To him be the glory and power for ever and ever. Amen.


When I felt the pain of those hurtful words and sensed myself swirling to familiar places of self doubt;  I experienced the same fear that arises in me when life brings more pain and sorrow.   Under a layer of hurt and sadness, life fails to look and feel like spring and it becomes difficult to believe that anything good lies around the corner. I fear I will be frozen inside forever and doomed to spend endless days under the shroud of my sadness. 

The next verse in I Peter 4:12-13 goes on to say: Dear, friends, do not me surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.  

Today I remembered all the beauty that has been blooming in my life and envisioned my heart like a tender spring bud hiding under the snow just waiting for it's time to bloom. 

Underneath today's layer of winter whiteness; in our dormant lawn and garden beds, lie tender shoots of new growth waiting for their glory to be revealed. 

Underneath today's layer of hurt; in my dormant heart, lie tender shoots of new growth, waiting for His glory to be revealed.  

That growth is my hope and my hope is in the Lord.  He is making all things new and beautiful for with Him nothing is wasted, not the last days of a cold winter or lingering pain from life's hurts.   "It's in the deepest wounds, that beauty finds a place to bloom."   (Jason Gray)

No matter how long the winter may seem to drag on spring will always come to Wisconsin; if only we are patient and wait out the winter storms.  Just as sure is the knowledge that pain will always bloom into something beautiful if we are patient and trust in God as we wait out life's storms.     

Now despite the exhausting after effects of an emotionally draining day I have a renewed joy, and I am rejoicing because in my sufferings His glory is being revealed.  

Today when I felt breathless I thought I wasn't going to have the strength to get out of my car and walk into my therapists office the above song was on the radio. 

I know I posted this video already, but it truly was the inspiration for beginning my blog as well as affirmation about the amazing things the Lord can do with our broken hearts.