Anyone who
knows me well enough knows that my emotional personality has often been “reactive”. I liken it to Newton’s law of motion; for
every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Whereas the science of physics defines the
laws of motion, the science of psychology defines the laws of emotion; for
every emotional action there is an equal and opposite emotional reaction.
Now I know
there are some who would not define my emotional reactions as “equal and
opposite” but rather as above and beyond.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been accused of “overreacting”. To me, I was merely reacting to the emotion I
felt inside. It was equal and very opposite.
My emotions were out of control and my reactions matched. Qualifying my
reactions as “overreacting" felt like I was being told to not feel and
honestly that only caused an even stronger reaction.
When a
chemical imbalance interferes with a person’s receptors their reactions equal
the force of their emotions. Sometimes
this imbalance is from a glands failure to produce the proper secretions of
hormones, a common one is adrenal insufficiency. We all
are familiar with how adrenaline works as it comes into play with the body’s fight
or flight response. While the human body
can be affected from within by an improper balance of hormones, it is can also be
greatly affected when stimulated by outside factors such as intense fear or
excitement.
Human
personalities are made up of complex components. The dynamics of who we become and how we react
are more than simple genetics that can be explained by science. If that was the
case we’d have a greater understanding as to why some of us develop chemical
imbalances, while others don’t. Or
better yet why some of us exhibit the signs and symptoms of a chemical
imbalance as associated with mental illness or mood disorder; yet blood work fails
to prove an underlying hormonal imbalance. This is where environmental factors come into
play. There is a direct link between
mental illness and childhood abuse.
Abuse in
early childhood has the tendency to alter the child’s development. In the face of stress and fear the fight or
flight response engages, causing a surge in adrenaline. As this hormone floods the receptors it causes
the victim to grow accustomed to this type of heightened response. This becomes the mechanism in which a child
copes with stress; greatly affecting the rate of maturity as the child
transitions into adulthood. This
arrested development prevents an abuse victim from maturing into a person with
the capacity to handle adult emotions as their stunted mental/emotional maturity
compares to the reactions of a child.
Truth: Our center of
alignment; state of peace and harmony.
Hurt: Our response when feeling hurt by someone’s words or actions.
Anger: Our response when we don’t share our true feelings.
Numb: Our response if we stay in “anger” and continue to deny our true feelings. Numbness is typically less painful than hurt and anger, so it’s common for most to reside in this state.
Hurt: Our response when feeling hurt by someone’s words or actions.
Anger: Our response when we don’t share our true feelings.
Numb: Our response if we stay in “anger” and continue to deny our true feelings. Numbness is typically less painful than hurt and anger, so it’s common for most to reside in this state.
Unresolved
traumas lead to depression. Depression isn't just “sadness” it’s an attempt to
not feel that which hurts us emotionally and mentally. It’s the body’s way to subconsciously numb the
internal pain; which leads to an absence of healthy emotion. In the absence of positive emotion, all that
is left is negative emotion; depression.
When a person is given a diagnosis of
depression, the only way to truly break free from it; is a change in
perception. But it takes maturity and
confidence to look at oneself with introspection and a child who’s been abused
lacks those qualities. As the victim
continues through life their reactions remain equal to their emotions.
Persons who
exhibits this inability to match their emotions with their reactions are
commonly diagnosed with a mood disorders such as bipolar. Bipolar disorder is known for its varying
degrees of manic and depressive episodes. Whether this disorder is from genetic defect
as with a hormonal imbalance or from developmentally learned behaviors in
childhood, the person suffers as their emotions are pulled in two opposite
directions.
Among the many problems associated with a
diagnosis of mental illness or personality disorder is the crushing stigma that
is affiliated with it. These labels overshadow
the person as incompetent, volatile and ill equipped to cope with life. When
this analysis is given to an abuse victim it renders them helpless, thus preventing
recovery and perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
A victim caught
inside the ever turning cycle of abuse feels as if it’s impossible to break out
of the “victim status” on their own. It’s
natural to form coping mechanisms to defend oneself; like with fight or
flight. This response describes what
happens internally and externally.
Running in the face of fear is an action not unlike isolating. Both responses get the person away from the
stimulus. Fighting in self-defense can
be done with fists just as it can with words.
This is where a person could be seen as “reactive” in times of
duress.
I just
described myself. Anyone who knows me
well enough knows that my emotional personality has often been “reactive”; and
many never understood. I hope this sheds
some light on the science and logic behind personality disorders and human
emotion.
I now have a
better understanding about what makes me, me.
This awareness has given me freedom to heal. Just as there are many
dynamics that make up my personality there are many things at work, helping me to
heal. First and foremost is my
faith. Without the strength of my
Savior and His redeeming grace I’d still be depressed and broken. Second is the
unconditional love of my amazing husband.
He is my best friend, and the reason I am able to believe I am loved. I also have a handful of life- long friends
who offer their ears, shoulders and support.
Last but not least is my writing, which I've always done but until
recently I didn't understand why. It’s
with undying gratitude to the group of Jesus-loving women that I've recently connected
with; they have taught me to believe in myself and my God-given talent and
purpose.
What is the
point to all of this? Today in the face
of an emotional action I was not “reactive”.
This isn't to say I didn't experience an equal and opposite emotional
reaction, but I did so while lying face down on the floor crying out to
God. He immediately held me in His arms
and calmed my broken spirit.
Thank you! I learned so much from reading this! I especially appreciate the T.H.A.N. chart. ♥, P.j.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting PJ! I was googling pictures to correspond with my post and when I came across that it just confirmed everything I had written! I love it too!
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